Beginning again

She shaved her hair today.  It made her feel free.  She felt free of society's judgment. She felt free of her own judgment.  She felt free to be her SELF. She felt she could finally become the butterfly from out of the person that was judged to be her.  She had been burned, loved, beaten, celebrated, tossed naked to the wind.  Now she can start the metamorphosis that is her.  That is Me.  The one and only snowflake in millions of snowflakes that has the fingerprint -the soul print that belongs to her- to me,alone.

When she was young, she was free and beautiful, but then she got tied into the "nots" that society put on her.  A slave to the beauty she held.  Her own father told her he hid her pictures as "she" was not as beautiful as she  had been.    People did not recognize her.  People should not recognize her. Outwardly she was not the same person.  She was an innocent flower taken by evil and forged into something else.

She was young, naive, innocent and trusting.  She "loved" a man who was none of these things.  He did not love.  He pretended to love.  She spent 14 years being loved- hated to near death by this evil one. She was hit, she was shoved, she was thrown, she was raped, she was pepper sprayed in her bath.  Why did she stay?  She could not leave.  She did not know how.  She was stuck by and into the web he made for her.   The web that kept her hanging by one finger.   The spider was playing with her.  He acted as one who seemed so fragile and so hurt.  The butterfly tried to rescue him.  How does a butterfly rescue a spider? It does not happen.  The butterfly ends up deeper and deeper entangled.  The spider wove his magic mantra and web by  threatening the butterfly with death and worse.  Death to her family.  Death to her friends.  Death to her dreams.

She got herself free from the sticky web with remnants dangling from her wings.  She flew until she burned away the web and then found love.  A love that had been there since she was six.   A love she did not know how to reach for.   Then when he reached for her, their love  lasted ten years four months three days and eleven hours and fifteen minutes.  Oh the love- the light - the joy that helped her heal her heart.  Then he flew too close to the sun and could not come back.  She was left to begin again.  Alone.  To try to go forth and recover her naive, innocence and love.   For him.  For her love.  For the one who saved her. Forever.