Riding the Wave

Hurt. Pain. Tears so like a river; flowing over the banks and making me almost sick.  Too much to bear.  No more dreams.  No more love.  I so love him.  I do not know what to do.   So many good friends.  How can one person acting out her grief against me, make me doubt me, cause me such pain?   Bring me to my knees again. Am I so weak?  I feel so strong and then, . . I cannot feel anything but pain, loss, such grief there is no end. When will the tears stop?  When can I get a dream back.  I go from feeling like life is out there, I just need to try harder to reach it, I start creating something positive --then the bottom goes.  I fall.  I fall so far. I fall so very far...  Is there really a bottom?  Do I still have further to fall.. oh my God, please do not let me fall more.  I cannot take it.  I have never never felt this much pain.  Please.    Please.  Please.  Let me heal.  Help me heal.  Give me a dream.  I cannot say goodbye to him yet.  It is too much.  Too soon.  I  know so many are suffering, grieving, also. I know. I truly do.   I want to help but I cannot seem to get myself back.  I must stop this grief before it leaves me  in pieces that cannot be gathered back.   Oh God, please.