Revised Bullets revised again 6-27-21 revised 3-28-23

Sometimes the sadness runs like river.
Deep deep currents blue.
Pulls me down to the bottom
Torments me through.
Current holds me fast
Staring at my past.

Deep the rage
No way out
Fuuuucck
Scream so loud.

See the bullets.
Shiny and new.
Dump the bucket
Sort through.

Take the bullets out
Look at the shiny tip,
Shiny brass reflection death.
Dump a whole bucket on my fears.
Let loose a bucket of tears.
Leave the bullets near.

Look at brass, look at steel.
Think of loss.
Do not feel.
Is any of this real?

Dump the bucket
Look around,
Fuck it.


Take a bullet to the river
Not one arrow in the quiver
No gun.  No rifle. No bow.
No weapon necessary to ruin a life.
Nothing but hatred, rage and strife.

Bullets of rage.
Bullets of despair.
Bullets find a target.
Everywhere.

What direction do I take
To find the end?

Notes- more editing

Leave the place to see new faces.

New spaces.

All the same.
New place, same game.

 Wrap up my pain,     REDONE FROM May 2020

Make it all shiny bright.
Etch it with your name. 
Tie it up so very tight.

Stitch it with living thread.
Let it not escape into the night.
Place it open by the bed.
Out. In plain sight.

Sign your pain in my blood.
Drip it over me. 
Let it flow, become a flood.
Splash it high for all to see.

The loss
it so shattered.
Left floating pieces of my soul.
Like
nothing
else mattered.
Not one piece left whole.

I wanted to live wild.
We both reached for the top.
You were brought down,
Me, I could not stop.

Racing the wind, being wild and free,
Comes with a price
A price most cannot see. 

You fly. You fall.
I scream.  I call.

But no one answers.
You are never there.
I have searched long,
Searched everywhere.

Trying hard to regain.
All that was lost.

To find myself,
before the pain.
To love again,
despite the cost.