We Missed You

We missed you, my dear, this Christmas Day.
Seems years long, since you went away.
Leaving this valley where we used to roam.
The special one we call home.

Everywhere I look, I remember you.
In the faces, the smiles of friends we both knew.
In the places and the spaces
Where we ran and grew.

The first ski race
The day I fell for you.
In every memory
In every breath I drew.
I knew some day
You would love me too.

A reflection of your face
Comes across my mind.
I know if you had the choice
You would not leave us all behind.

Being in this valley on Christmas Day.
Makes me know in every way
How very blessed we both were
To savor life here in a blur.

We missed you, my dear, this Christmas Day
Your friends, me and your children two.
We loved you, my dear, in every way.
Thankful for each precious day.

So this night a glass we shall lift,
To the joy and the gift
You gave to us with your love
Even now from above.

Lesley M Mercill 2015 (c)

Remember parties on spring gulch
Sledding down the pass
Kisses in moonlight
Time fleeing by so fast.

Blood Ivory

Look out with newborn eyes' first awe.
Feel the hard beat of land so raw,
Sense the breadth of its bare soul. 
Feel it pierce above. Below.

We knew not the cost for man,
To walk, to gaze upon this land.
Land built on bones, hide and dust,
Remaining witness to unholy lust.

Evil ones who kill and maim,
Taking down in sport insane.
Leaving rhino souls in graves unjust.
Bought down to powdered, crumbled dust.

Ancient shadows walking through,
Looking out from the bush, straight at you.
Apparitions living, yet ghosts of past,
Not knowing if this breath will be the last.

Watching those who aid the damning lie,
Seeing rhinos shot, stumble, and die,
Blood ivory stolen, slashed off for gold.
God damn those with hearts so cold.

One by one, horn by horn, their spirits go.
Human greed may leave us none,
This great armored-one of the past,
Laid low to lust and avarice.

Spirit asks we honor those ancient ones killed,
Humanity end now the blood-ocean spilled.
A sacred promise there forever be,
Rhinos wild...African and free.

Need

The magic of you has wrapped around my heart.
I need to entwine my Self with you.
I want to take you so very deep
So deep we are not two.

I need to scream your name with primal force.
To feel your skin on mine.
To have you feed my soul your fire.
Melt me up-now down my spine.

Let me hold you in my passion
Fly as far as we can go.
Up to the heights of bliss
Where you can touch my soul.

I beg you take me there.
Shatter me with raw desire.
Take me where I have never been.
To dance the flame of fire.

Take me there now.
Ignite a blaze of desire.
Burn me with your need
Scorch me with your fire. 


Hold me with the strength of you.
Devour me with your need.
Glisten with my wetness.
Watch you glisten too.

I must taste the sweetness
Deep within your bones.
The feeling of your love
Is the light to bring me home.

Let us fly together
Higher than any bird who ever flew.
Let us bond forever
In a dance both old and new.

Sign My Name in Blood (for Jeff)

Wrap up my pain,
Make it all shiny bright.
Etch it with your name.
Tie it up so very tight.

Stitch it with living thread.
Let it not escape into the night.
Place it open by the bed.
Out. In plain sight.

Sign my pain in your blood.
Drip it over me.
Let it flow, become a flood.
Splash it high for all to see.

The loss
it so shattered.
Left floating pieces of my soul.
Like
nothing
else mattered.
Not one piece left whole.

I wanted to live wild.
We both reached for the top.
You were brought down,
Me, I could not stop.

Racing the wind, being wild and free,
Comes with a price
A price most cannot see.

You fly. You fall.
I scream.  I call.

But no one answers.
You are never there.
I have searched long,
Searched everywhere.

Trying hard to regain.
All that was lost.

To find myself,
before the pain.
To love again,
despite the cost.

​(c)  Lesley M Mercill 2015 All Rights Reserved.

Your Last Flight

You were young and we were wild.
I remember my love for you.
We lived with the abandon of a child.
We touched but you never knew,
How much I loved; I lived for you.

We were young and you were free.
I was just another girl to see. 
I watched you fly and fearless ski.
Wanting you to notice me.
You never saw how much I knew.
How I wanted  to be just with you.

You flew higher and higher,
Soaring your way to the top.
Faster and further,
Until hitting a final stop.

Gone forever,
Faster than a single tear could drop.

I heard it on the news.
My eyes bled tears.
A blinding loss of light,
Frozen forever in your last flight.

You died on that mountain.
Flying higher than one should ever go.
Leaving us behind,
Staring at that crimson snow.

Why did your flame burn so bright,
Then go with no remaining light.
Why do I so silently scream?
Why do I still dream,
Of you in the dark night?

I remember your light.
I remember your touch.
I watched you soar. 
I loved you so much.

I watched you jump.
I watched you fall.

I remember the loss, the most of all.

Help Me out and Into your Clothes

Help me out here.
I need some clothes, dear.
I want yours
Get into my clothes.
I will get into you.

No one seems to care.
If I do or do not my hair.
How can it be
You seeing me
or me being me.

Whisper Not

Whisper not, my name.
Let it fall from lips like rain.
Whisper not. Hide not.
Help me share your pain.

Shout it. Feel it.
Write it loud with fingertips.
Live it. Breathe it.
Taste the sound upon your lips.

Make me echo love.
Sear me.
Create me.
Imagine me.
Say me.

Whisper not.
Shout it to the moon.
Whisper not.
Trace it on my skin.

Scream my name,
Burn it in your heart.
Scream my name.
Feel me come apart.

Whisper not.
Speak but from soul.
Whisper not.
Make me whole.
Whisper not.

Lesley M Mercill (c) All Rights Reserved.

Earthbound Angel (My sister)

Believe, earthbound angel.
Look! your wings.
Soaring ever high.
Gossamer wings aglow.
Up, up, and around you go.

How can you not see?
Those wings lifting you high.
Making you free.
See them take you up.
Then straight down.
Hard landing. Tilted crown.

Unfurled wings of gold
Spun by God just for you.
Woven centuries old.
Created straight and true.
Light as air.
Barely there.

All aglow.
It's true, you know.

Wings of love
Flying high above.
Silken and proud.
Not gaudy or loud.
Glowing with magic light.
Soothing us in the night.

Light as a feather.
Earthbound angel.
Flying high for all.
Still thinking you will fall
From your path straight and true.
Oh if you only knew.

Everyone sees you fly.
Fly so very high.

To the light you see
Upward through the sky of blue.
Sharing love. Being love. Being you.
You the earthbound angel.

Healing broken wings,
Spun from pain.
Bringing sweet love
Gentle as the rain.

Thinking you cannot fly, but,
You do.
And you bring to so many...

The light of love we call, Jenny.

Lesley M Mercill (c)  2015 All Rights Reserved.

Wide Fucking Open



Live. Let's Live, he said.
Wide fucking open.
Love. Let's love.
Like this is our last day.
Kiss. Let's kiss.
Like this kiss is our first-
-And our very last.


Lets risk, he said.
Find each other near the abyss.
Love at the edge of a cliff.
Stand on a sliver of razor.
Love-arms wide open.
Dance to the end of reason.
-And then go past.


Reach for love before time.
Cry for love yet to be shown.
Speak words of intimacy before they arrive;
Bare heart and soul.
Wide fucking open.
Reach farther.
-And then unmask.


Fly. Let's fly, he said.
Disregard chains of fear.
Make the fire star your goal.
Feel the moon create you whole.
Savor.  Drink each touch.
Feel each drop. Love
-And make it last.


Let's leap, he said.
Into the fire.
Sear your skin with my love.
Life will hold you.
Love will embold you.
Burn me into you.
-And touch the scar.


Savor love as if for the last time...ever.
Taste that sweet wild rush. Then,
Let go and tumble.
Love past the point of return.
Feel your mind explode.
Come back again.
-And then again.


Drink. Let's drink, he said.
Drink from my lips, the nectar.
Drink from my skin, holiness.
Let me feel your heart
Beating wide fucking open.
Drown in the joy.
-And go all in. 



Love one who is yet unknown.
Be one who feels all.
Be one who falls but rises.
Be two who are one, dance life.
Live with no regret.
Wide fucking open.
-And be one with me.


Lesley M Mercill (c) 2015 All Rights Reserved.

CFM vs Keens

I love CFM pumps but cannot Keens send a message too.
How about, I am green, I am raw, I love the outdoors.
Take me hiking.  Or lay me down in the tall grass...
Lay me down. 

Hummingbird

Have you ever held a hummingbird? In the palm of your hand?  Felt it calm?
Felt the tiny heart race. The trust of a million lives in one  feeling - so fragile yet strong. Then when you opened your hand.  All of nature stared into your eyes. Waited on the palm of your hand. With one look it was gone. Like love. Bursting to be free.  Bursting to be. Have you ever held me?  In the palm of your hand?  Felt my heart race. Then calm. Released me wild.

Bring Me

Breathe me to life.
Love me to wholeness.
Bring me alive with tender lips.
I want you; I am an orbit of bliss,
Living my need of you.

I got it bad.
I feel your touch create me.
Drive me mad.
I become the abyss discovering you,
Discovering me.

Bring me to life, to light,
Hold me tight.
Mindless explosions,
Feel love blossom, then ignite.

Love of lips together.
Love of sweat combined.
Love of life.
Love, one mind.

Breathe me breathing you.
Bring me back to life.
Bring me back.
Bring me...
Back.

Fuck this.  Later.
________________________________
Tangled limb to limb

Dance of passion.
Dance of delight.
Dance of love.
Dance of light.

Lesley M Mercill (c) 111115

Mom

I see your beautiful face, but

Where are you?

I see your warm eyes,

But where are you?

Just down the hall

Around the corner. 

Not too far

But so very distant. 

I see the eyes of your own mother

Looking back at me. 

I see the fog of time

Taking you out to sea. 

Where can my mother be?

I look for her everywhere 

But only glimpses do I see. 

You are there for a moment of laughter

Making me weep with joy. 

Then gone in a flash after,

Leaving nothing but a void.  

What dark hall stops you in your track?

Oh please, God, send my mother back.

I want to walk with you, hide you from the dark. 

I cannot keep you here though I will surely try. 

I want to hold you safe, and try to light a spark. 

But our paths diverge, and you continue walking by.

Mom, you have always been the core of me. 

The heart of my own heart. 

Who will I become, when you cease to be?

How can I continue on? Continue to be me?

I want to place your hand in mine

To keep you close to me. 

I wish that I could keep you safe

And never set you free. 

But there is room for only you in your crowded mind. 

Your path leads forward toward a curtain close, and leaves me far behind. 

But cannot I take your hand right now  

And show you that I know.

I could not have had a better mom to carry me.    
To love me and to prepare me,
For this final path you walk. The one you must walk now,
Without me.

Lesley M Mercill (c) 2015. 

Your Gift

I wander through the corridors of my mind.
Loss, grief, sadness residing there.
In my heart I feel the letting go.
Not sure how much more I can bear.

I see you disappearing.
Fading from my view.
I see the shimmer of love appearing.
A love of someone new.

I feel you take my hand and
Gently place it into his.
Truly setting me free to love
Your finest gift to me, this is.

(C) Lesley M Mercill. November 2015  All Rights Reserved.

Other

We do not want Them next to us.
We cannot help Them, certainly not here.
We can not have Them close by.
They are not Us.
They are Other.

We are not like Them, they do not understand.
They are not brother.
We cannot see them.
We could never be them.
They are Other.

Send them back....Now...
Now, beat the drums of fear.
You never know what they might do.
They might bring evil... as we have none here.

Send them back. It is only right.
It is not that We do not care.
We will surely send up prayer.
"Dear God almighty, please help them."
But not here. They must stay there.

Not our problem
Them we do not see.
Someone else must...
Must give them our dark mercy.
They are Other.

Who are they? To dare,
To dare knock upon our door?
We can not open it. Never, never, never.
Not to refugees, lost and poor.
They are not us. They are Other.

Sitting righteous in our creed.
Sitting in our place of greed.
Church loving-God fearing.
Believing holy what we read. But...
...They are different. They are Other.

Bowing heads. Raising temples.
Yes, we are quite an example.
Our backs turning cold with fear,
Let us be! We are safe here.

We must stay safe.
Here in this land of the free.

Free from the Other.

Lesley M Mercill (c) 2015

You are.

Leopard magic.
In the bone.
Burning soul.
Sensuous dance with light.
Light captivating.

Leopard.
Bullet speed.
Gold lighting the eye.
Craving the hunt.
Capturing grace.

Leopard soul.
Searching the shadow.
Searching the light.
Searching the heat.
Seeing all.

Leopard.
Fluid grace ripples.
Muscles contract in motion.
Power in the hunt.
Sinew power.

Leopard speed.
Dark light of power.
Reflect all light.
Danger dancing close.
Whispering close.

Leopard.
You are.

(c) Lesley M Mercill 2015
Written on the flight from South Africa for a certain man who shall not be named.

Capture

Capture.

If I were a leopard would you capture me?
Would you see the grace?
Could you feel the wild?
Would you put me in a cage
So I could be admired?

Would you let me run, let me play,
Freedom in my soul?
Could you offer up the time
So-
I could capture you?

Heat

​

Heat
Simmering
Melting.
Held back.

Sensual
Glimpse
Laughing eyes.
Fluid grace.

Energy dancing.
Forward
Retreat.
Skyward
Earthbound.

Up
Falling.
Down
Rocketing.

Feeling
Breathing
Heavy.
Heat.

(c) Lesley M Mercill  2015

I am not that Woman.

11-6-15

I am not that Woman.

I am not that woman.
I will not cross that line.
I am not that woman.
I will never feel your lips on mine.

I am not that woman.
I can dance close to the line.
But, I am not that woman.
I will not make you mine.

I am not that woman.
I will not break your bond.
But, I am not that woman.
If I were we'd be gone.

If I were that woman
Who could cross that line
I would hold you so tight
And make you always mine.

I am not that woman
Who would take you from your vow.
I am not that woman
Or we would be there now.
 

(c) all rights reserved.  13 Moons, LLC

Pain of Broken Feathers -All rights reserved. Copyrighted.

The Pain of Broken Feathers 

I dance with the pain of broken feathers. 
An angel brought down in mid flight.
I fall hard
Hard into the night.

I dance on with the pain of broken feathers.
Light dancing. Facing shadow.
No room to breathe.
My wings trying hard to be free.

I feel you crush me with your darkness.
Try to put me on the shelf.
You fashion me a gilded perch.
Wanting my light all to yourself.

I fly on with the pain of broken feathers.
Up toward the sun.
The chain you put through my wings
Makes me come undone. ( or Un Done)

Entangled in your clutch.
Wanting up and up and up so very much.
I struggle to be free.

But you-
You....
Will never let Me. Be.

My pain of broken feathers.
Keeps me flying low.
Soon I may not escape the tether.
Your shadow needs erasing me.

In my mind I see the light
Dimming evermore.
I feel the loss of flight.
Now there is only darkness here.

Now.
The pain of broken feathers, the pain,
Will keep me bound as you-
You.....
Could not leave a feather be.

Lesley M Mercill (c) 111115

Pain

Post from the past in 2014
The pain of living is almost too much.   Feels like a heart attack.  Feels like my guts are coming up.  Feels like I can never talk or walk right again.  Pain. I fucking hate it  I fucking hate this loss.  I despise everything.  There is nothing left of my emotion.  No one would know what to do.  I do not know what to do.   I want relief.  I need some help.  Help that is not available.